Fresh as a Daisey.

While I am of the OLD age (as of today) I can "more easily" sue my employer for age discrimintation, I am not of the age where I have stopped learning new things.

And what have I learned lately, you ask?

Oh, I've learned all about the advances in RAT trapping-James, is there a magazine for that? Apparently, for those of you who seem to be concerned, the poison that the "trappers" are using these days works in a new way. Let me explain!

The little packs that are dropped in, and around the "scene of the crime", contain little pellats that, oddly enough, smell like peanut butter. The very "poison" I tried. The bad 'ole rat is attracted to the smell and chews through the packet to get to the peanutty treat. They eat the peanutty treat and the treat forces them to begin to dehydrate.

I picture Templeton, standing in front of his little Rat mirror turning from side to side thinking that this "gig" is making him look good-his skin is tighter, his waist is shrinking, his cheek bones are beatuiful..........all the while what he doesn't know is that he is slowly dying. Without a large water source, his little rat body will begin to whither away and soon his little rat body will stop functioning.

The good news for me, the Lodging Hostess, is that whith out fluid and moisture in his body there is nothing to decompose and nothing to stink that horrible RAT stink. He checked in to Chateau Laurel, but he won't be chekin' out!!

HA! Take that!

I've conquered the RAT..........I think?

Today I learned how to piss off Suzanne by walking under her feet and almost sending her flying - She threatens to step on my little"heeeeed" and squirt my brains out. But I am so damn cute- get away with everything!

Rat Update: The jokes have increased but I do believe.......dare I say...........we have conquered the RAT! There has been no visible or audible activity since the new bait was laid on Monday morning. The instruction from the exterminator was "it should take a day or two and you'll be in good shape, Ma'am". That said after two weeks of snap traps, glue boards and scratching behind the wall and much scheeve. I thought.......... how can it be that easy?

Of course, there are other schools of thought on the subject. And....hey............. thanks to all of you have chimed in with your scenarios! "Perhaps he is sitting behind that wall in his barkalounger, slowly filing his big long rat nails, planning his next move".

"Perhaps he is sitting at a desk, built from slices of bread of course, planning your demise. First you................then that darn puppy that barks in the middle of the night and scares me away from the peanut butter and M&Ms and off the counter leaving me with the unpopular Rat Comb-over after loosing half my hair on that dang glue board."

"Perhaps he is behind that wall starting a new group of the Branch Dividians, stockpiling weapons , again, built from bread, and getting ready (this time) for Janet Reno and her band of goons."

Perhaps his name is Willard,
Perhaps his name is Templeton..........., with a friend named Charlotte.

"Perhaps he is in your closet playing dress up in your big.... high...... red.... sling back pumps, and a ruffly skirt, no doubt teasing Lexi in her crate."

"Perhaps he is sliding his big rat nail back forth agains Lexi's crate like a prison inmate with a metal cup."

Perhaps he is D-E-A-D.

BTW-----to all of you who interjected your very imaginative rat scenarios......................Rat periphrenelia does not qualify as an acceptable birthday present!!!!

Happy Easter!

It makes me laugh everytime!

Just because........

Just because.........this was so damn cute!!!

White Dogs can Jump.

Today, my prescious little Lexi launched her self onto the sofa with no assistance from anyone or anything! It's a good thing cause the cause out current "houseguest" or should I say Squatter....has gotten quite bold! It may benefit us both to be able to launch to higher ground! Tt's taken the bait from the trap twice now without tripping the trap! I've graduated from the suggested Slim Jim ( I think they like these 'cause they all seem to congregate around the Slurpee Machines at the local 7-11) to big giant globs of Peanut Butter. Tomorrow morning, though the sacred holiday of Easter, I hope to find "rattus urbanus" brain matter splattered on my kitchen counter.

Perhaps I need psychiatric help?

Bite Me!

At the risk of a chewed up wireless card or a cable bitten in two, I have been absent from the blog world for a few days. Little Lexi (aka Lexifur) has been growing like a weed and in doing so has been quite the "tool" this week. She is so damn cute, one can not ever get mad, ony frustrated at the constant teething. I'm feeling like Hermie..........wanting to pull all the teeth from the abominal snowbeast that is my little pup! Stay tuned for the happy adventures of the toothfairy!

On the list of things that tooooootally gross me out!

There are only a few things that really gross me out.

I'm not one of those chicks who gets freaked out by bugs or screams at scary movies, but today I am squirming in my skin. Home sick with a cough like Typhoid Mary, I have been trying to release some of the Puppy induced sleep deprivation that I have had for the past two weeks. So while Lexi is asleep like an angel in her crate, I am downstairs on the couch trying to sleep. My neighbor Deanne is doing a total renovation of her unit and everyday the entire small nation of El Salvador shows up and works their little Latin butts off. Today was not any different. I heard punding and sawing and was dealing with it fairly well and still managing to squeek in a few moments of blissful sleep. Then I hear a noise I had not yet heard during the renovation. It sounded simply like cable being pulled through the wall. I stepped into the kitchen to investigate further and heard the noise coming from beind my washer dryer unit. I really didn't think anything of it. I did think it odd that they were pulling cable as I wasn't sure about the structure of the 60 year old former Military housing that I call home; but what do I know?
So I ingnored it and went back to the couch for more sweet sleep. Surprised, a few hours later that I had actually slept and that Lexi was still asleep in her crate-I pondered that she might be dead up there.....but preferred to think that my training was finally paying off, I toddled into the kitchen to get a drink and noticed that the loaf of bread; we're talking about 10 huge slices of bread, was now just a plastic bag with a big hole in it. All 10 slices were GONE!

What the hell, I wondered, and then I recalled the "cabeling work"..........or so I thought. My worst fears were realized. As I know Lexi could not, (yet) escape from her crate nor could she crawl up to the counter top (yet), there must have been another sort of critter who stole my bread. After the sewage (see previous blog) issue, I immediately called the condo office to report this mysterious theft. The guy in the condo office politely told me it was most likly a R-A-T. A rat....., why couldn't he have said squirrel? Rats sound like I live in the hood. Clearly, my monthly housing payment tells us I don't live in the hood!

Suzanne tell me it is definately a squirrel as "rats only come out at night, dude" While I'm not sure I beleive that theory; food is food and rats are rats; opportunists day or night. I'm going with the squirrel theory as it just makes me feel better.

Meanwhile my favorite high fiber, 7-grain bread is in some critter's belly brewing into what will surely be a HUGE critter dump under my house only to revive the sewage problem again.

Life is a circle!

It's like watching the grass grow!

Spring is just around the corner and here in the DC area it is still only in the 40s! Brrrrrrrrr! I think we are all ready for the warm air. With warm air comes the buds and the flowering trees, green grass and plants........... and the allergies. "They" say if you don't have allergies when you move to our nation's capital, you will shortly.

This little pup; that pretty little sleepy one above, is growing like a springtime weed. I swear she gets bigger during the night. I think I just saw her grow...... just this minute! If only they could not chew, sleep through the night, never bark unless the burgler is in the house and creeping toward your bed, and sit still and stay as cute as they are right now. ....................All those reasons are why they make puppies so cute.

Oh, That...........SMELL!

Why is it that your sense of smell de-sensitizes so quickly? Perhaps I was in denial?

Everyone who visited me over the past two weeks has either screamed out, or politely made a face and said nothing. Apparenltly, there was an odor that I sort of smelled but completely chalked up to my extreme housekeeping abilites. Surley there was a Noble prize winning science project growing in the back of the fridge, or pehaps a piece of rotting meat had escaped the Hefty bag into the bottom of the trash can only to create a life of its own. The disposal? i was sure it was just me and my lack of cleanliness (next to Godliness you know). Until Kelley who would never politely keep her mouth shut exclaimed upon entry through the front door, " Oh.......My.........God, it smells like ASS in here!" Ahhhhhh, the love of a good friend! Having herad enough about it, I called the condo association right then and told them about the henious odor. They suggested a dead animal........nice! They sent the "crew" to sniff it out. Of course they smelled it upon entry and went right for the Kitchen, just as I had imagined. I prepared to be embarassed..........As I cringed waiting to be chastized for my poor housekeeping abilites, one of the guys said "let's check the crawl space". So.....they donned thier Ghostbuster suits and coal miners lamps and descended into the darkness that is the 60 year old crawl space under my house. As they disappeared into the hole I heard them all scream out, just as my "friends" had all done. And like roaches when the light comes on, they scrambled out of the hole gasping for breath. They informed me that the cap had disappeared from the sewer pipe. Disappeared? Hello? Who would take it? They said the smell underneath the house was a million times worse than in the house. Well, good! So they found a new cap, replaced it and were on thier way. So........Ok.....................wait! What fell out of the poop........er............I mean pipe? What is cooking down there under my house?It has been 36 hours since the "cap off" and Suzanne just came over and the first words out of her subtle mouth were " it still smells like BAD Cauliflower in here". Apparenlty, sewer pipe escapee Poop conitues to stinkeven when the juices it cooks in are removed. What exactly is the shelf-life of Poop? When can I expect my visitors to smile upon entry to my home?

Anyone..............................................?

Today, I am two.......... months old!

Today Lexi is two months old. Today Lexi has been with me for 1 solid week. I have survived and dare I say.........she has been very good. Only a few acccidents in the house but now that we are on a schedule she is sticking to the outside for that activity!Of course as I am typing she is trying to eat the power cord. Ah a minor problem. Today she had her first vet appointment, she has gained a dress size to a huge 13.2 lbs..........just wait! She got a few shots and some treats(or so she thought! There were pills inside that yummmy stuff!) As a reward she got to come back to the office with mommy for the rest of the day. She slept under my desk, on top of Aunt Kelley's desk among the stacks of lawyer-ly papers, under my chair, in Aunt Kelley's lap, in Aunt Sue's lap and everywhere she could; it seemed. I do believe that one of those pills contained puppy valium! I hope she is OK? On our nightly walk with Aunt Suzanne and Lilly she didn't even want to walk. When she did get down and sniff around Lilly said....."you are so cute I want to EAT you" and then tried! Unsuccesfully.....phew! Personally I think Lilly is a little sick of the new kid! As I write Lexi is still asleep on the couch next to me.

I smell a 3AM wake up call! urgh!

I'm a soccer player not a car alarm........

My first toy that mommy gave me was a wee little soccer ball! I love it! I chew on it, bat across the floor with my GIANT paws and then pounce on it as if it were a big game cat! My mommy just laughs at me; so I do it again! I like to make her laugh! Yesterday, while palying with my ball, the couch ate it! Mom says that I pushed it under there but I know I saw the couch open its mouth and take my ball! Mom ignored my initial cries of distress at loosing the ball to the mean-head couch! So, I squeeled really loud to get her attention and she said to me.........."Lexi, you sound like a car alarm". I said, I don't know what the hell a "car alarm" is but make the couch give me my ball back and I will stop screaming!

Apparently, because I laughed at Lexi when she made this noise she now uses it as a weapon to get my attention! Amazing how they manipulate you with in the first 3 days! When she goes in her crate-her former, and I use former; strongly, "sanctuary"she now uses the 'Car-Alarm-cry' to get my attention. Perhaps I will move her crate to the car as a form of theft prevention!

We'll see how long that noise stays around! And the battle begins................................

Makin' myself right at home!

I've settled in nicely! This is me about an hour after I arrived at my new house! Sound asleep! Mommy thinks I am really cute like this! I have her fooled.....and good! Last night I did not cry, whimper or moan at all. I slept quietly in my crate with Mommy right close by. Hehehe.....she didn;t sleep at all! She was so nervous about me! This morning she decided that when the sun came up we would go outside. I peed and poopied almost immediately. I mean, geeze; I hadn't gone since at least 5pm the night before! Now I have fooled her into thinking it will be a breeze to train me! .....................................

Oh, I don't think so little missy! I know some sort of "Cujo" is right around the corner! I think I saw shades of 'Chupacabre' when you grabbed a hold of the fringe on the carpet and the whole thing came flying back over your head! I've gotten lots of offers for doggie sitters from the neighborhood folks so don't get too cocky!

Right now she is laying on the couch, right below the spot she was in last night (see the princess above). The postion and the cuteness are exactly the same- no...........................definately more of the cute!

She is SO damn cute it hurts my teeth!!!

Today I learned.......... Mommy is the Boss! Good Dog!

Lexi is Home!

It is 10:00pm and Lexi is home with me! She has been so good! She rode in the car for 3 hours with out a single peep! She has already met part of the gang; Lilly, who growled at her; Joplin, who told her to "talk to the paw" and Maya who just wanted to come in out of the cold. We put the new leash on and took our first walk around the yard. She romped and followed my every move. Then low and behold-she squatted and peed her first pee! We came inside and played for few minutes and then she crawled up on the back of the sofa from my lap and is currently asleep on the back of the couch. She is snoring the cutest little snore-wonder how long I'll think it is cute? I htink we have been blessed with a pup who is going to turn out to be even more perfect than I imagined!

Don't worry-shameless baby pictures tomorrow!

It's official it took me exactly two seconds to fall madly in love with this beast!

A new era has begun!

D-Day is Upon Us.

That stands for Dog Day-and that is a Good thing! The day has finally arrived...... Lexi comes home tomorrow! Last night I had a dream that many of my friends and I were on vacation, drinking happily in some warm, sunny and exotic locale. In fact, if I remember correctly I was even being hit on by some cute boy! Then it dawned on me..............I had forgotten to pick up Lexi! I was frantic, running around to all my friends who obvioulsy knew of the "blessed event" and they were, to say the least, not stressed about it. I was horrfied that if I did not find my way to the Hershey Farm (not anywhere close to an "exotic locale"!) to pick her up they would give her away to someone else and my cute little Lexi would be gone. I awoke this morning feeling scared!

Ok so here is my question? All you Freuds out there.........analyze that!

Not only am I dreaming about the "pick up", I am fully aware that tomorrow morning will be my last day, for a long time, to wake at a leisurely pace. I fear; from now until the forseeable future, I will be sleeping with one eye open, watching for the princess to make a move that requires a trip outside.

I think I have been so excited about her arrival that I have neglected to consider the true D-Day that will occur! What goes on in our psyches that causes these paranoid dreams? All I can say is that those fears and paranoias are the exact reason I started this blog! I know I will need an outlet!

Effective tomorrow, the shameless posting of pictures, cute things she does, bad things she does and all other things 'Lexi" will begin in ernest.

Come along for the ride!

Wonder what tonight's slumber will bring?

Bob Barker Said it!

Today my friend Suzanne and I went to a volunteer orientation at the Alexandria Animal Welfare League. Ofcourse, this organization is always looking for volunteers. The maintenance of their building is provided by the city but the total cost of staffing, medical care, food, and supplies are all bourne by private donations. They have just expanded and are now able to house 120 cats and 40 dogs (discrimination if you ask me!). They are averaging over 100 adoptions a month and they still have to euthanize animals on occassion due to overcrowding. In short, they are very busy and in desperate need of donations and volunteers (not just to "muck out the stalls").

It is amazing how many animals come in off the streets showing signs of pure neglect and never being loved in any way. With in two weeks they are wagging thier tails and loving life. Life in a 4' x6' cement cage! But they have a clean blanket a nutritious meal every day and lots of love from the staff and volunteers. A much better life than on the streets or tied to a tree in someone's back yard.

Tonight we met Red Dog - an Auburn colored Lab mix with big floppy ears and speckled white paws. He was transferred from a high kill shelter in rural WV and arrived scared to death and unsocial. He has the most beautifl face and very expressive eyes. One week after arriving at AAWL he is wagging his tail and demanding attention. I think Red Dog was channeling Sasha as I saw her in his eyes. He was gentle like she was and the body never stopped wagging-It was surreal. Animals really do enrich our lives in so many ways! Let's return the favor by allowing each animal to be loved fully. As Bob Barker said "Spay and Nueter"!

OK........Lecture over!